Sunday, October 12, 2008

*YOU ARE NOT ALONE*

One of the most difficult parts about eating disorders is that they do not only involve the individual suffering from them. Their family and friends suffer along side them as well. I understand that it is terrifying and lonely to be tormented by the psychological and physical pain of an eating disorder, but no matter how much you are hurting, you do not deserve it and you are not alone. You do not deserve to be thinking the way these anonymous murderers tell you to think…

The people surrounding you feel pain whenever they hug you. The people around feel sadness when they see you neglect your body of nourishment. Those around you feel helpless and out of control, just as you do. Please, why do you search for companionship and help from faceless robots inside a computer who only spit acidic insults at you and confirm your worst fears? I am begging someone to answer me, please. I am begging for someone to help me understand why this is taking place. I am begging someone to help me see how to save my best friend.

If you do not believe that those around you care, here is a letter from the other side. Here is a letter from me to my beautiful friend, whom I miss every day.

To you, my mermaid friend, my Barbie companion, my Disney Princess,

Where do I begin? I have looked up to you since I was five-years old. Remember when we first met as little girls and you told me you had rainbow eyes, and I believed you even though I could see they were brown? I believed whatever you said because I loved you, and I didn’t care if it was true or not.

I guess I let that loving trust blind me as we got older. I saw your body shrinking, and I questioned you but trusted you when you said there was nothing going on. I could see there was a problem, but you have always been so in control of your life I trusted that you knew what you were doing. I trusted that you meant what you said when you replied, “I’m fine.”

I should have seen through your painted smile and your empty eyes. They certainly are not rainbow anymore.

My heart aches when I think of you. My heart aches because you are still alive, but I feel like I cannot see you. My heart is so sad because I talk to you but you do not answer as yourself, where has your beautiful spirit gone? I feel so lost and scared and confused. Please help me. Please help me help you. I know you are not okay. Please, please, do not lie to me anymore and say you are okay. I am tired of fucking lies. Your lies sting my heart when you look me in the eye and tell me you are getting better.

I know you, I know that you can do anything you want to do—and that is what is scaring me. I know that you do not want to get better. I know that you think you are too far in to come back. But you can, your life is still here. I don’t know for how much longer, but you are alive and your spirit is hiding.

I love you. I love you unconditionally. I hate this ugly disease and I hate that it is destroying you, but I love you no matter what. I am always here for you, and you are not worthless. You do not deserve to waste away and kill yourself slowly. You deserve the most beautiful things and the happiest life.

You are my big sister, and I love you. And because of that love, I vow to not enable your habit anymore. I vow that I will not allow this disease to sink deeper into your mind. I promise you that I will not serve as an enabling tool as these websites are. You may not be happy about it, but I love you and for that reason I am going to have to go against what you tell me sometimes—because I do not know what is true or not anymore. I feel betrayed and I will do whatever it takes to bring you back to life.

I love you forever,

Maria

Saturday, October 11, 2008

*Why Tyra?*

In 2001 the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, also known as ANAD, reported that Yahoo! was the host of the most pro-ana websites. In July of 2001, vice president of ANAD, Christopher Athas, wrote a letter to the CEO of Yahoo!, Terry Semel, challenging the fact that, “Yahoo! claims to be interested in the health and welfare of children….here’s a good chance to prove it. ”

Journalist Jessica Reaves, who covered the story for TIME, explained in her article, “the response surprised even ANAD.” Within 4 days, about 115 pro-ana sites had been shut down. In my mind, it is scary to think that there are 115 websites devoted to this cause, and even the shutting down of that great a number did not even cause a dent in their influences.

This circumstance proves why I am choosing Tyra Banks as my source of power and possible success in this mission. I do not think a cracking down of the system is what is needed here—what is needed so badly is awareness. Individuals need to understand that when they are using these sites, even as victims who are lured in and preyed upon, are hurting other people. They need to understand that what they are feeling is not something that should be continued, nor do they deserve what they are putting themselves through. The heartbreaking pro-ana creed on this website shows how these individuals feel that this is their outlet and that they deserve the pain they are inflicting upon themselves and others. This is not the case.

I am choosing a powerful public figure to help raise awareness of this cause. I believe that Tyra has the power to use her influence and her experiences to spread knowledge about these sites and perhaps help create a real outlet for these individuals to heal themselves in.

These websites are being powered by driven and obsessed individuals—shutting them down to set an example is not going to make them stop and it is not going to communicate the message that they need help. It is only going to make them feel more secluded and alone. I understand how these websites serve as a place to emote and to seek support, no matter how twisted. What I am proposing is a revitalization of these websites by turning them to real places for eds to support each other through recovery. Does that sound so unrealistic?

Friday, October 10, 2008

Clarification of my Mission

I want to make something clear about my mission here. I am not looking down upon freedom of expression. I am not looking down upon those with eating disorders. I am not looking down upon those who are seeking support and understanding.

What I look down upon is the people who use these sites to lure in vulnerable eds for the sole fact of not feeling alone. I am disgusted when I read these pages and see people feeding off of each others misery and encouraging it. It makes me sick to see how these individuals thrive off of putting each other down and passing it off as “support”. Rather than seek people to help them feel better about themselves, they stew in each others negative thoughts and allow their own to become more intense and deeply engrained. This is sick. This is murderous. This is heart-breaking.

It makes me so sad to think of those suffering from an eating disorder who are so lost in their depression that they actually find comfort in these sites. It fucking infuriates me to think of the way these sites lure in those with low self-esteem just so that those who are using them can feel more in control. Do you realize there are young children reading these sites? Do you know you are making a terrible and murderous disease seem like an option…no, not even an option, like a norm?! Do you understand you are attracting lonely and unhappy kids, FUCKING 14-YEAR-OLD KIDS, so that you can feel like what you are putting yourself through is okay?!

Does anyone understand what I am saying? In an online article in Associated Content called “Behind Pro-Anorexia Sites” a questionnaire was given to get the opinions of pro-ana sites from those who read them. A majority of the answers were given by girls between the ages between 14 and 18. Here is a 16-year-olds response to the question “why are you using these websites”: “I’m doing it because I WANT TO be thinner. For myself. To love myself more.” Her current weight is 103 pounds and her goal weight, with the help of pro-ana sites, is 90 or below. She is 16-years-old. She should not have the support of hundreds to drop below 90 pounds.

Another participant in the questionnaire explained how though she is not really anorexic, she is “choosing” to become sick. She uses pro-ana sites to “feel less alone”. She has a goal weight of 75 pounds. She is 14-years-old.

In “A Recovering Anorexics Viewpoint on Pro-Ana Websites” in Associated Content, Jenna Hansen responds to the previous questionnaire. She explains how those who run the sites “purposely post every type of trigger imaginable to keep people sick.” She also explains how “they especially target their tactics towards impressionable teenagers and actually encourage low self esteem.”

Hansen became wrapped in the sites when she was deep in her struggle with anorexia. The websites gave her a place to feed off of other's negativity. She writes:

“I thought about killing myself sometimes. I wondered if anyone would even care if I was gone. I dreaded people finding my fat body dead. I would go online and read about people with similar thoughts. Their thoughts would only serve to encourage my own.”

I do not have a problem with a single person wanting to be thin. Fine, if you have a problem and refuse to seek help, that is not a crime in my mind, but rather an issue that you must face yourself. You are only hurting yourself. But these websites are hurting others. You are not simply inflicting pain and torture on your own body and mind, but you are convincing others that they must do the same. This is fucking murder and it is absolutely unacceptable

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Who is in control?

If you have not yet had a chance to visit a pro-ana or pro-mia websites, a BBC News article, "Seeking Thinspiration", written by Jaqueline Head, accurately describes their sick content. She explains thinspiration as “pictures of painfully skinny girls…. Comparing dangerously low goal weights and measurements, and team up to ‘keep each other strong’ in their quest to lose weight.’” She also takes note of several posts in which “they swap stories on how they vomit until they cough blood."

Head points out in her article that one of the most disturbing facts about the prominence of these sites on the internet is that it “brings them within reach of a wider audience”. From articles on what diet pills work best to the most effective ways to purge, these websites are blatantly enforcing eating disorders and subtly celebrating a slow and painful death for each reader participating.

Heads major concern outlined in her article is that these websites are leaking from the world wide web onto social networking websites such as facebook and myspace. Head explains, “their presence on social networking websites, which have rules against posting harmful content, raises the groups to a new respectability.” Some of the group names on these networking sites include “Get thin or die trying” and “Quod me nutrit me destruit," meaning that which nourishes me destroys me. To me, these titles do not indicate anything good is coming to follow. On the contrary, they clearly celebrate the fact that they are promoting dangerous and extremely unhealthy ways of life.

The most disturbing part about these websites is that many people are logging onto them who do not psychologically suffer from anorexia or bulimia, but are so desperate to lose weight that they resort to actually trying to become anorexic—which by definition, is impossible. They attempt to become anorexic in the same way someone may try to catch a cold. All I can as is, why? Why would you try to become a tortured individual? Why would you want to make your mind vulnerable to a psychiatric illness with the highest mortality rate? Up to 20% of these individuals die not only from the physical effects of these diseases, but the mental effects cause death as well—many suffering form eating disorders are at high risk for suicidal deaths.

Head closes the article by using individual examples of how these sites influenced eds in an attempt to understand why anyone would use them. In the case of 21-year-old Andrea Schneider, who suffered from anorexia since she was 16, explains her reasoning:

"When you are actively in your eating disorder, you desperately want someone to understand, and a lot of time you find groups like the pro groups on Facebook that are supportive of you continuing your eating disorder," she says. "When you are in the middle of it and don't want to give it up, you cling to these sites that tell you what you are doing is OK. Recovery is hard, staying sick isn't, so it's easier to hide behind these sites claiming that you are making a lifestyle choice, rather than admitting that you are sick and trying to get better."

Schneider makes an important point in her explanation. She points out that the sites allowed her to convince herself that she was consciously making a decision to be anorexic, rather than admit she were sick. The root cause of many eating disoders is an attempt to gain control. The problem is, once the eating disorder takes over psychologically and physically, the individual is no longer in control, and that is when they need to seek help the most. These websites serve as an enabling tool, allowing eds to prolong their disease by not admitting to their disease and saving themselves. As Schneider explains, “recovery is hard, staying sick isn’t.”

I would like everyone participating in these websites to ask themselves, “Who, or what, is in control now?”

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Weak Arguments

I’ve been reading through interviews between the media and creators of pro-ana sites, and the reasoning behind using the sites is simply illogical. The two major arguments are 1- they are logging on to keep themselves thin, thus they are not hurting anyone else, and 2- the disclaimers often displayed at the homepage advise those attempting to recover and those without eating disorders to not continue on to the website.

Well, as discussed in the previous post, this first argument is just flat out false. Your efforts to stay thin are no longer only YOUR efforts. Once you employ the use of the Internet, you are opening the door for anyone and everyone to take part in and be influenced by what you post. There are over 400 pro-ana and pro-mia websites dedicated to collecting individuals who can add negative thoughts and emotions to the forums so that they can feel “less alone” and “more in control”.

In a Time article written by Jessica Reaves, called Anorexia Goes High Tech, Reaves further explains the issue with this initial argument. “Most of the minds visiting these sites are not exactly in peak psychological condition.” She goes on to point out how the majority of those using pro-ana sites are extremely vulnerable and looking for a place where others can relate to their feelings of depression and angst. Reaves notes, “Recent studies indicate that 85% of anorexics experience the first onset of the illness by age 20—researchers have noted a marked increase of cases in the 8-11-year-old range over the past five years.”

This research only emphasizes one of the major points I have been trying to make. These websites are reaching far more than the creators are making it seem. As Reaves also points out in her article, “kids in that [8-11] range are also spending more and more time in front of computers….a trend that leaves them especially susceptible to the proliferation of pro-anorexia sites.”

The second argument is actually quite ironic. I think the disclaimers add a nice touch to the pro-ana pages, in that rather than deterring hopeful anorexics away, it actually lures them in. The disclaimer on the homepage gives the websites a sick sort of legitimacy, as if to say, “do not come in here unless you are serious about losing weight.”

Reaves explains the legitimacy of these “warnings”:

“It [the disclaimers] sounds like good, responsible advice—until you consider the effects of a warning like that on the psychology of anorexia. People, especially young women, suffering from anorexia tend to be perfectionists dead set on gaining approval. They want to smooth down all the rough edges, make sure everyone (except themselves) is happy, be exactly the kind of person everyone expects them to be. It’s a very tough mindset to maintain, and you can only do it if you’re willing to suffer (which anorexics are only too happy to do) and if you can be strong in the face of adversity…. In other words, if you’re a young woman on the verge of anorexia, and you visit the site and read the warning, chances are you’re going to see it as a dare.”

There is no doubt in my mind that the creators of these sites are well aware of the vulnerability of an individual desperate to lose weight. I do not think the daring disclaimers or high popularity of the websites are any accident or coincidence. These individuals are purposely seeking out others who can make them feel better about the fact that they are making themselves sick. If you want to keep yourself sick, find, but don't do it in an arena where you are seducing susceptible people into a world of sickness and pain simply to make yourself feel better.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Dear Tyra

Everyday I look at these websites and I see the pain and sadness in each of the comments written by those suffering from eating disorders. It breaks my heart to see them desperatly searching for an outlet and someone to listen and help them. I want so badly to let them know that there are other ways! I want to badly for this site to become a place for those with eds and their family and friends to help one another through the difficult recovery period. I felt like I needed a little help in my journey, so I wrote a letter for support to someone who I think has the power to make a difference. Here is the letter I sent:

Dear Tyra,

I am reaching out to you in the hopes that you can help me make a difference. You serve as a true inspiration and promote the beautiful idea of self acceptance and a healthy beauty. Because of your role, I am hoping that you will be able to help me in my journey.

There is a huge problem today. You may or may not be aware of it, but countless individuals are helping one another in acts of assisted suicide everyday and using the Internet as a medium to do so. These individuals are logging on to what are called pro-ana and pro-mia sites. These websites are tortuous and sick. They promote self-loathing and celebrate and enforce eating disorders. The sites are full of diet tips and tricks, chat forums for encouraging one another to starve themselves and purge any excess calories, and ‘thinspiration’ pages, complete with pictures of emaciated models and images to encourage each other to enable their eating disorders. My issue with these websites is not that they are a forum for those with ED’s to support and communicate with one another, but that they are being used to encourage the continuance of the disease.

Individuals with eating disorders have a true psychological turmoil. Their way of thinking is contaminated in such a self-destructive way that these websites easily suck them in and convince individuals who may have a chance at recovery to instead succumb to their disorder. The existence of these sites is especially heartbreaking to me as I have had first hand experience with someone who cannot control her disorder. My best childhood friend, my sister, has an been clinically diagnosed with anorexia-nervosa. My best friend who was once so full of character and light is now dull and broken. She is sick. Her body is starving and her mind and spirit are dying. Because her mind is psychologically sick, she is unable to convince herself that she needs help and that she needs nourishment. Websites such as pro-ana and pro-mia sites have the ability to trick her already disabled thought process into thinking that her disease is a ‘norm’ and that not eating makes her a stronger person. These websites do nothing but put people down and make them feel worthless. By encouraging one another that they are worthless, each person feels better and more secure with knowing he or she is not the only one who is not in control of the disease.

I am coming to you, Tyra, because of the power and influence you have as an inspiration and a public role model. These websites must be stopped and replaced with real forums for those trying to recover. These websites must be destroyed and replaced by websites allowing friends, family, and ED sufferers to get support from each other through the difficult and painful recovery process. While I am doing all I can in my power to put a stop to these, it is publicity and public awareness that is needed to truly make a difference. I believe that this is something you will feel passionate about, and I hope with all of my heart that you will help me make a difference for the individuals living every day in disease and pain. I believe that you have the power to help me bring light and life back into the lives of these individuals.

Thank you,

Maria

Sunday, October 5, 2008

*Terrorists*

"On 15 March 2003, I woke up unable to breathe and was rushed to casualty. My heart was racing and I was hallucinating. I was terrified but also pleased, because my pro-ana friends would be in awe of me.”

That’s right. Just when I was beginning to think that these websites were not as popular as I felt they were, I stumbled across this months UK edition of Marie Claire, advertising an article on a girl who was "terrorized by anorexia extremists." The article, written by Cori Magnotta, a teen Ralph Loren model, explained how the sites sucked her in. She explained pro-ana websites as an "online community of eating disorder sufferers who worship their illness like a religion and celebrate their extreme dieting." She explains how easy it was to get wrapped up in the false comfort of the others participating in the chats and forums; it allowed a place for ed's (eating disorder sufferers) to create an imaginary universe in which they were not ill, but everyone else was. The following interview with Cori and other eds outlines the websites addictive control.

Cori continues on to explain that with the help of her new “sisters” on the pro-ana sites, she was able to stick to her extreme diets and even buy illegal diet pills that were banned in the US off of other eds living in the UK. She even participated in starving contests, with a record length of 45 days. She explains, “I kept logging on and became thinner and thinner.”

The websites' starvation contests, thinspiration pages, and diet/purging tips helped to enable Cori to continue living a dangerous life. How can thinspiration, such as the pictures below, be examples of something to strive for? Does this seem like a healthy mindset? Does this really seem like a norm?

After her hospitalization (described in the opening quote above), Cori was sent to a psychiatric ward and then an outpatient program with intensive therapy. This is the type of treatment that eating disorder sufferers SHOULD be receiving…unfortunately these websites are encouraging them that they do not have a problem.

This article has an underlaying theme that highlights the immense danger of this disease and these sites…the danger of addiction. Even after Cori was counseled to stop going onto the sites, she returned again under another name. Even after Cori lost her hair and stopped getting her period, she returned to the sites for support. Even after Cori was HOSPITALIZED, she returned to the sites and was supplied with more diet pills. These sites are a cult. They are brainwashing. They have the same effect on eds that a violent video game has on a child—they desensitize. Suddenly not eating is a norm, taking 50 laxatives a day is a norm, taking part in a starvation contest is a norm.

What scares me the most is how many times she admits to returning to the sites. How is this allowed? How can people be so selfish and so blinded that they are (literally) dying to take others down with them? These sites are so sadistic in the way that they twist and turn and torture each other’s morale’s and spirits. I am scared and I am sad. It breaks my heart to think that people are subjecting themselves to this sort of abuse willingly. It is not all right for someone to kill another human being by penetrating their thoughts and celebrating sickness. It is not all right for you to seek out these sites to “support” you through your painful disease.

So tell me, when someone dies from these websites, is it considered suicide or murder?

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Prescriptions, please!

One of my major issues with pro-ana/mia sites is that they are so accessible and prominent. They are readily available for anyone who has, or wants to have, an eating disorder. I am beginning to notice, however, that these websites are not the only enablers that are readily available to the general public. As briefly touched upon in my last blog post, diet pills and laxatives are heavily overused.

People make a big deal that prescription drugs are becoming the immediate go-to solution in the US, but at least there is some psychiatric counseling required before hand! Has anyone given any thought to the overflow of diet pills spilling out of drug stores? I can’t even buy a vitamin without being slapped in the face by an overwhelming section of diet pills reminding me that eating healthy and working out are STILL not enough to keep me looking good. Furthermore, the advertising for these things is atrocious. I’ve given up reading the last few pages of a magazine, as they are almost always devoted entirely to diet pill advertising.

I, personally, don’t have a problem with all of the photo shopped models and whatnot, by this point I’m pretty much aware that they are simply a mixture of genetically blessed individuals and nerdy photo-shop geniuses. But this bombardment of pills on the other hand…even for a person like me, who does not suffer an eating disorder, they are nearly irresistible. For example, if I feel like I look pretty good from just diet and exercise alone, I’ll probably look pretty damn hot with the extra help of a miracle diet pill. Hey, if they can work for "Grandma Cara" over here, think of what they can do for me, right?

This, of course, is not the case. I admit that I, far too often, fall victim to these dangerous pills. All I end up with is a destroyed sleep schedule and the shakes. Oh, and a quickly dwindling bank account.

This is where the problem is, though. Diet pills are not supposed to be for just anyone to buy! They are meant to help those who are greatly overweight. They should be prescribed by a doctor, not available to just any one wanting to buy them over the counter! Like I mentioned in the last post, there are countless individuals who do not appear to have an eating disorder, and these pills are easily accessible to them, thus enabling their sickness—and people are making a profit on this. Diet pills should absolutely not be so easy to get a hold of.

While the advertising often boasts the glory of being thin and beautiful, they seldom even touch upon the risks. It is a shame that even when trying to find accurate information on diet pills, such as this website advertises, a myriad of links to testimonials still litter the page. Follow the link and take note of the links included in the “health risks of weight loss supplements” box. I just don’t understand.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

You never know...

When I look back on the things I have been subjected to, from Barbies to advertisements and now from diet pills to hardcore drugs even, I am shocked I don’t have an eating disorder myself. This Dove clip highlights the intense overload of advertising we are subjected to. Even watching the short clip makes me feel anxious, like I need to go OD on diet pills and exercise until I collapse.

Considering my friends and I started measuring our thighs by the 5th grade and skipping meals to lose weight by the 7th, it is not surprising that one of us has an eating disorder, only surprising that more of us do not. This leads me to my next point—anorexia and bulimia often fall under the radar. For example, my best friend has been clinically diagnosed with anorexia, meaning she has doctors and psychologists confirming the fact that she has an eating disorder.

There are, however, hundreds of thousands of individuals who are not clinically diagnosed. There are hundreds of thousands of individuals who look emaciated and whose minds are distorted, leading them to live unhealthy and sad lives, but they are not being helped by a doctor nor are they ‘noticed’ by a professional for their closet disease. There are even more who do not look like they have an eating disorder. There are individuals who look like they are healthy, perhaps even overweight, who purge after meals or consume inadequate calories. With this in mind, think about how many people are logging onto these websites for support. Yes, the first thing that comes to mind are the extremists, those who are skeletal figures that encourage each other to keep their skin clinging tightly to their bone, but there are also others. There are people who are temporarily dieting, there are young girls and maybe boys who are finding these and participating. This is the INTERNET and you do not know who is taking part!