*YOU ARE NOT ALONE*

One of the most difficult parts about eating disorders is that they do not only involve the individual suffering from them. Their family and friends suffer along side them as well. I understand that it is terrifying and lonely to be tormented by the psychological and physical pain of an eating disorder, but no matter how much you are hurting, you do not deserve it and you are not alone. You do not deserve to be thinking the way these anonymous murderers tell you to think…

The people surrounding you feel pain whenever they hug you. The people around feel sadness when they see you neglect your body of nourishment. Those around you feel helpless and out of control, just as you do. Please, why do you search for companionship and help from faceless robots inside a computer who only spit acidic insults at you and confirm your worst fears? I am begging someone to answer me, please. I am begging for someone to help me understand why this is taking place. I am begging someone to help me see how to save my best friend.

If you do not believe that those around you care, here is a letter from the other side. Here is a letter from me to my beautiful friend, whom I miss every day.

To you, my mermaid friend, my Barbie companion, my Disney Princess,

Where do I begin? I have looked up to you since I was five-years old. Remember when we first met as little girls and you told me you had rainbow eyes, and I believed you even though I could see they were brown? I believed whatever you said because I loved you, and I didn’t care if it was true or not.

I guess I let that loving trust blind me as we got older. I saw your body shrinking, and I questioned you but trusted you when you said there was nothing going on. I could see there was a problem, but you have always been so in control of your life I trusted that you knew what you were doing. I trusted that you meant what you said when you replied, “I’m fine.”

I should have seen through your painted smile and your empty eyes. They certainly are not rainbow anymore.

My heart aches when I think of you. My heart aches because you are still alive, but I feel like I cannot see you. My heart is so sad because I talk to you but you do not answer as yourself, where has your beautiful spirit gone? I feel so lost and scared and confused. Please help me. Please help me help you. I know you are not okay. Please, please, do not lie to me anymore and say you are okay. I am tired of fucking lies. Your lies sting my heart when you look me in the eye and tell me you are getting better.

I know you, I know that you can do anything you want to do—and that is what is scaring me. I know that you do not want to get better. I know that you think you are too far in to come back. But you can, your life is still here. I don’t know for how much longer, but you are alive and your spirit is hiding.

I love you. I love you unconditionally. I hate this ugly disease and I hate that it is destroying you, but I love you no matter what. I am always here for you, and you are not worthless. You do not deserve to waste away and kill yourself slowly. You deserve the most beautiful things and the happiest life.

You are my big sister, and I love you. And because of that love, I vow to not enable your habit anymore. I vow that I will not allow this disease to sink deeper into your mind. I promise you that I will not serve as an enabling tool as these websites are. You may not be happy about it, but I love you and for that reason I am going to have to go against what you tell me sometimes—because I do not know what is true or not anymore. I feel betrayed and I will do whatever it takes to bring you back to life.

I love you forever,

Maria

Dear Tyra

Everyday I look at these websites and I see the pain and sadness in each of the comments written by those suffering from eating disorders. It breaks my heart to see them desperatly searching for an outlet and someone to listen and help them. I want so badly to let them know that there are other ways! I want to badly for this site to become a place for those with eds and their family and friends to help one another through the difficult recovery period. I felt like I needed a little help in my journey, so I wrote a letter for support to someone who I think has the power to make a difference. Here is the letter I sent:

Dear Tyra,

I am reaching out to you in the hopes that you can help me make a difference. You serve as a true inspiration and promote the beautiful idea of self acceptance and a healthy beauty. Because of your role, I am hoping that you will be able to help me in my journey.

There is a huge problem today. You may or may not be aware of it, but countless individuals are helping one another in acts of assisted suicide everyday and using the Internet as a medium to do so. These individuals are logging on to what are called pro-ana and pro-mia sites. These websites are tortuous and sick. They promote self-loathing and celebrate and enforce eating disorders. The sites are full of diet tips and tricks, chat forums for encouraging one another to starve themselves and purge any excess calories, and ‘thinspiration’ pages, complete with pictures of emaciated models and images to encourage each other to enable their eating disorders. My issue with these websites is not that they are a forum for those with ED’s to support and communicate with one another, but that they are being used to encourage the continuance of the disease.

Individuals with eating disorders have a true psychological turmoil. Their way of thinking is contaminated in such a self-destructive way that these websites easily suck them in and convince individuals who may have a chance at recovery to instead succumb to their disorder. The existence of these sites is especially heartbreaking to me as I have had first hand experience with someone who cannot control her disorder. My best childhood friend, my sister, has an been clinically diagnosed with anorexia-nervosa. My best friend who was once so full of character and light is now dull and broken. She is sick. Her body is starving and her mind and spirit are dying. Because her mind is psychologically sick, she is unable to convince herself that she needs help and that she needs nourishment. Websites such as pro-ana and pro-mia sites have the ability to trick her already disabled thought process into thinking that her disease is a ‘norm’ and that not eating makes her a stronger person. These websites do nothing but put people down and make them feel worthless. By encouraging one another that they are worthless, each person feels better and more secure with knowing he or she is not the only one who is not in control of the disease.

I am coming to you, Tyra, because of the power and influence you have as an inspiration and a public role model. These websites must be stopped and replaced with real forums for those trying to recover. These websites must be destroyed and replaced by websites allowing friends, family, and ED sufferers to get support from each other through the difficult and painful recovery process. While I am doing all I can in my power to put a stop to these, it is publicity and public awareness that is needed to truly make a difference. I believe that this is something you will feel passionate about, and I hope with all of my heart that you will help me make a difference for the individuals living every day in disease and pain. I believe that you have the power to help me bring light and life back into the lives of these individuals.

Thank you,

Maria