*I know.*

I need to be honest about something right now. I have to admit to you, in case I have not yet, that I understand much of the appeal of these websites. I understand the desire to belong when you feel no one understands. I understand the pressure to fit in. I also feel anxiety and confusion when I see others who are skinnier than I am or prettier than I am or happier than I am or whatever it is that day…I understand the feeling of thinking ‘I just need to lose a little more and then I’ll be happy…but not now, now I don’t deserve to be happy.”

I don’t understand celebrating those feelings. I don’t understand making others feel that way. Those people you are encouraging to hurt themselves are REAL PEOPLE. Imagine reading the posts people write and it is your little sister saying it to you, or your best friend. Would you let them feel that way?

I need to be honest about another thing. Though I am a very upfront and confrontational person (come on now, I’m a PR student), I have trouble facing major issues and letting other people in on them as well. It’s kind of like how I can sing in front of an audience of 1,000 with no problem, but to sing in front of a single person is impossible. That’s how the Internet is. We have no problem addressing our fears and our angers and our imperfections here—everyone is faceless. We make up fake usernames and post abstract pictures of ourselves. I understand the solace in remaining anonymous.

In all honesty, I haven’t even told my best friend that I have this blog. I am scared to. I can tell the whole world about it in my blog, but I can’t bring myself to pick up the phone and tell her. That would be singing to a single person, it’s too hard, too scary, and your gonna feel and see every one of their reactions. And then you have to answer to them.

So, I am working on the whole courage thing. I’ll tell her when she’s ready and when I am ready. But, in all honesty, I am scared. I am scared that I am writing every post with her in mind but I am not taking the right steps with her personally. I found this poem on another anti-pro-ana website and it really made me think about her.

“I need more time to find the real me… To fly like the birds…to be set free. Why couldn’t I stop until I had died? It was hate for myself hidden inside.”

Please, I am asking all of you reading; do not let it get to this point. Do not let these websites allow them to get to this point.

*EDNOS*

I want to remind everyone of a fact that is essential to be aware of in considering these websites—many of these individuals do not have clinical eating disorders. While a great amount of them, as previously discussed, are hoping to attain an eating disorder (impossible) in hopes of losing weight, many more are effected by other mental disorders. These other disorders, such as bipolar disorder, depression, COD, effect eating habits and mental though processes and perception. These alternative disorders are called EDNOS, for eating disorders not otherwise specified. As explained on the site Ana Does Not Love You, this is means that these are a category of mental disorders that involve disordered eating patterns. The following video illustrates an example of how a disorder, in this case OCD, can result in habits similar to those of one with an ed.

Both the media and pro-ana/mia websites play into these vulnerabilities and play to these individuals’ disorders, as they seem to allow control, escape and alternative personas to be created. These disorders are especially dangerous because they do not warrant definite medical care or personal attention. While the disorders themselves are often medicated or treated otherwise, the side effects such as eating and exercise habits, are often disregarded or overlooked. Individuals with one or more of the above disorders are especially susceptible to pro-ana websites. The websites often include pages with information on EDNOS, creating a sense of “community” and legitimizing the site as authoritative. The information, as you can see from this website, is presented in a very non-biased and honest way. It appears to be legitimate and straight-forward; however to me it seems to be a simple hidden agenda. The inclusion an EDNOS page acts as a sort of invitation for individuals who suffer from them. Those with depression or OCD feel that though they are not directly related to those with ed’s, they are now accepted and welcomed by them. The following video exemplifies how someone with an EDNOS feels more comfortable identifying with an eating disorder than with a series of other disorders.

I hope that this gets my point across; these websites are specifically targeting various groups of individuals—those who want to be skinny, those who have mental and personality disorders, and those who have eating disorders, are all among the major publics targeted by the creators and supporters of these websites. They are simply luring you into the lion’s den. Will you willingly follow?

*Laws Against Pro-Ana? C'est possible?*

In an LA times article written last spring by Geraldine Baum, the possibility of making pro-ana actions illegal was debated.

“Blogs, websites and ads that induce ‘excessive thinness’ could bring down fines and jail time on their makers if the Senate passes pending legislation. Judges would make the call….“Too thin” may soon be defined in France by judges who would be asked to enforce new legislation aimed at websites, blogs and fashion advertising that encourage eating disorders among girls.”

The bill was passed a few weeks later. Though it was heavily debated, the defining decision factor was the way in which the websites advise individuals on how to lie to their doctors, suggest the easiest foods to vomit, and encourage one another to torture themselves.

Some feel that this type of law is prejudice against a disease, I believe this is an entirely inaccurate claim. The idea behind the creation of this law is to discourage the PROMOTION and GLAMORIZATION of eating disorders and unobtainable images to the mass public. Unfortunately, I do not think this would pass so well in the US. One would think that these types of writings do not apply as freedom of speech or expression, yet they do. I never realized how fine a line it was between a making a death threat and asking for one until I began dealing with pro-ana sites. Furthermore, it is difficult to find substantial evidence that these websites are causing deaths. In an interview Baum conducts with Susan Scafidi, an expert in fashion law and professor at Fordham Law School, Scafidi points out the following dilemma:

“We do ban advertising of smoking in the U.S. and we take smoking into consideration for movie ratings,” she noted. “But we know there is a clear link between smoking and lung cancer. No one has yet established a connection between images in magazines and skinny girls.”

I just don’t know about that. After reading statistics on blogs about media's effects on society and the behind the scenes of it all, not to mention through my own research posted throughout my blog I find it rather hard to believe that this is true.

*Playing in the Lion's Den*

I was reading a friend’s blog that details media’s obsession with thin models. The interesting twist on her blog topic, however, is that its focus is not on the use of thin models, but on the use of average sized models who are photoshopped into oiled up toothpicks.

I was fascinated by some of the statistics posted on her blog. For instance, a research study was conducted in which three ads were displayed (targeting women), and each product being advertising was shown in two different ads—one with an average sized model and the next as a thinspirational model. Long story short, the study proved that the image of the average sized model left women feeling happier and better about themselves.

I feel this information is an important component to my cause. There are countless individuals torturing themselves to attain an image that is simply unattainable. It will not happen. It cannot happen.

This information also shows how vulnerable today’s society is to media. Not only are we heavily influenced (emotionally, mentally, and, in extreme cases, physically) by what we see in stores, fashion, magazines, television, movies and advertisements, but now we are encouraged to take it one step beyond being influenced and actually take action. We are being lured into the lion’s den…a dangerous arena allowing people to succumb to their darkest thoughts and physical nightmares.

I use to brush these impossible images off, considering them unrealistic, but websites such as pro-ana sites have legitimized these images. Pro-ana sites make their users think that it is not just photoshop, but a real person who you can become, all you need to do is recite the Ana Creed or try their diet tricks. They make it seem as if the impossible is a realistic alternative. It is not. It is not real—but what you are subjecting yourselves to…that is very, very real.

*Changing up the Change Agent*

After writing my last post, I got a pretty good idea for how to put a little spin on my message to Tyra. Not only am I going to propose a topic for her show, but I am going to propose an actual person she should feature on her show. Cori Magnotta, who has been mentioned numerous times in my blog, would be an excellent change agent. I have decided to combine these two highly inspirational women into one super change agent. Here is a clip of Tyra tackling negative body images not only for the general population...but for girls between the ages of 5 and 14. That's right, 5 year-old-girls talking about how fat they are. This is something Tyra is very passionate about, so why is she overlooking one of the most influencial sources?

Tyra, with her talk show and highly public image, has a great runway for getting an important issue heard. Cori, with her compelling and brutally honest story, has the passion and life experience to lead eating disorder sufferers in a direction towards recovery. Cori has already taken many steps to get herself heard, many of which have been focused on my blog, but the idea of her and Tyra teaming is foolproof and fail proof.

Tyra's doin good...but another suggestion couldn't hurt

I’ve been thinking about my change agent…yes, again. I am actually pretty surprised that I have still heard nothing back from Tyra! Well, one of her producers or even an intern at least. I did some research of the Tyra show and I found that apparently one of her favorite things to do is put herself in other peoples shoes—her most memorable example of this is the episode in which she donned a fat suit to see what a day in that life was like.

This write up of the article explains the interesting parallel that while Americans are increasingly obese, “the ideal body image is getting steadily thinner.” One of the major inspirations for this episode was the idea that it is TV that sets our standards. The show write-up explains, “Only one in 300 female characters is obese. In real life, one in 4 women is either overweight or obese. Reality TV is no help, 9 out of 10 women on these shows are thin. Out here in the real world, only 5 out of 10 can make that claim." Is it possible that ideals such as these are a little disheartening? What is with this type of portrayal? Why are producers, writers, and casting directors constantly feeding us these images and stereotypes? Why are we as consumers allowing them to? How far are we going to allow this to go?

We have people, possibly our friends and family, logging onto pro-ana websites and literally killing themselves and encouraging others to do the same. We sit and watch as these people wither away, yet we still support the idea that thin is beautiful, and nothing more is. I just don’t understand what we are waiting for. Perhaps eating disorders are not enough of an instant disease for us to notice it happening all around us. True, no one is spontaneously combusting in the seat next to us, but these people are dying, slowly and painfully and so, so lonely. It is time to stop putting these images in their faces. So, thank you, Tyra, for finally taking a stance and putting something new out there for us to tune into. Now, perhaps you should read a certain letter giving you new show material from a certain Chapman University student :)

Where is Tyra?

My mission for this blog is not to trash these websites, but to publicize their danger. I was hoping to get a little help in spreading my message through a public role model. I chose Tyra Banks as my target, as I believe that she is a beautiful example of someone who inspires others to feel comfortable with their bodies and overall self.

Over the past few weeks, however, I have begun reconsidering my change agent. Maybe I went for someone too big, too public. I have sent in more than one letter, such as the one I posted earlier, and I have not even received a response saying that they RECEIVED the letter. Yes, I am starting to think I reached a little too high for Tyra.

Also, perhaps those who are/are trying to recover from their eating disorder need someone who has experienced the same disease…similar to the way a drug or alcohol addict needs the support of a former addict to recover simply for the fact that that individual understands the pain and the torture, and has persevered. Perhaps Tyra does not resonate enough with those I am trying to help. While she certainly stands for loving ones body, perhaps she is too idealistic, as she has never NOT loved her body to the extent that an eating disorder sufferer has, perhaps the two cannot relate.

With all these factors in mind, I am taking the idea of changing my change agent into consideration. I think I should find someone who can relate closer to eating disorder sufferers, and who serves as an inspiration in the sense that they have done the seemingly impossible and made definite advances on the road to recovery. I have a few individuals in mind…but what do you, my readers, think of this proposition? Does it make more sense? If so, any ideas for a candidate?

*Why Tyra?*

In 2001 the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, also known as ANAD, reported that Yahoo! was the host of the most pro-ana websites. In July of 2001, vice president of ANAD, Christopher Athas, wrote a letter to the CEO of Yahoo!, Terry Semel, challenging the fact that, “Yahoo! claims to be interested in the health and welfare of children….here’s a good chance to prove it. ”

Journalist Jessica Reaves, who covered the story for TIME, explained in her article, “the response surprised even ANAD.” Within 4 days, about 115 pro-ana sites had been shut down. In my mind, it is scary to think that there are 115 websites devoted to this cause, and even the shutting down of that great a number did not even cause a dent in their influences.

This circumstance proves why I am choosing Tyra Banks as my source of power and possible success in this mission. I do not think a cracking down of the system is what is needed here—what is needed so badly is awareness. Individuals need to understand that when they are using these sites, even as victims who are lured in and preyed upon, are hurting other people. They need to understand that what they are feeling is not something that should be continued, nor do they deserve what they are putting themselves through. The heartbreaking pro-ana creed on this website shows how these individuals feel that this is their outlet and that they deserve the pain they are inflicting upon themselves and others. This is not the case.

I am choosing a powerful public figure to help raise awareness of this cause. I believe that Tyra has the power to use her influence and her experiences to spread knowledge about these sites and perhaps help create a real outlet for these individuals to heal themselves in.

These websites are being powered by driven and obsessed individuals—shutting them down to set an example is not going to make them stop and it is not going to communicate the message that they need help. It is only going to make them feel more secluded and alone. I understand how these websites serve as a place to emote and to seek support, no matter how twisted. What I am proposing is a revitalization of these websites by turning them to real places for eds to support each other through recovery. Does that sound so unrealistic?

Clarification of my Mission

I want to make something clear about my mission here. I am not looking down upon freedom of expression. I am not looking down upon those with eating disorders. I am not looking down upon those who are seeking support and understanding.

What I look down upon is the people who use these sites to lure in vulnerable eds for the sole fact of not feeling alone. I am disgusted when I read these pages and see people feeding off of each others misery and encouraging it. It makes me sick to see how these individuals thrive off of putting each other down and passing it off as “support”. Rather than seek people to help them feel better about themselves, they stew in each others negative thoughts and allow their own to become more intense and deeply engrained. This is sick. This is murderous. This is heart-breaking.

It makes me so sad to think of those suffering from an eating disorder who are so lost in their depression that they actually find comfort in these sites. It fucking infuriates me to think of the way these sites lure in those with low self-esteem just so that those who are using them can feel more in control. Do you realize there are young children reading these sites? Do you know you are making a terrible and murderous disease seem like an option…no, not even an option, like a norm?! Do you understand you are attracting lonely and unhappy kids, FUCKING 14-YEAR-OLD KIDS, so that you can feel like what you are putting yourself through is okay?!

Does anyone understand what I am saying? In an online article in Associated Content called “Behind Pro-Anorexia Sites” a questionnaire was given to get the opinions of pro-ana sites from those who read them. A majority of the answers were given by girls between the ages between 14 and 18. Here is a 16-year-olds response to the question “why are you using these websites”: “I’m doing it because I WANT TO be thinner. For myself. To love myself more.” Her current weight is 103 pounds and her goal weight, with the help of pro-ana sites, is 90 or below. She is 16-years-old. She should not have the support of hundreds to drop below 90 pounds.

Another participant in the questionnaire explained how though she is not really anorexic, she is “choosing” to become sick. She uses pro-ana sites to “feel less alone”. She has a goal weight of 75 pounds. She is 14-years-old.

In “A Recovering Anorexics Viewpoint on Pro-Ana Websites” in Associated Content, Jenna Hansen responds to the previous questionnaire. She explains how those who run the sites “purposely post every type of trigger imaginable to keep people sick.” She also explains how “they especially target their tactics towards impressionable teenagers and actually encourage low self esteem.”

Hansen became wrapped in the sites when she was deep in her struggle with anorexia. The websites gave her a place to feed off of other's negativity. She writes:

“I thought about killing myself sometimes. I wondered if anyone would even care if I was gone. I dreaded people finding my fat body dead. I would go online and read about people with similar thoughts. Their thoughts would only serve to encourage my own.”

I do not have a problem with a single person wanting to be thin. Fine, if you have a problem and refuse to seek help, that is not a crime in my mind, but rather an issue that you must face yourself. You are only hurting yourself. But these websites are hurting others. You are not simply inflicting pain and torture on your own body and mind, but you are convincing others that they must do the same. This is fucking murder and it is absolutely unacceptable

Dear Tyra

Everyday I look at these websites and I see the pain and sadness in each of the comments written by those suffering from eating disorders. It breaks my heart to see them desperatly searching for an outlet and someone to listen and help them. I want so badly to let them know that there are other ways! I want to badly for this site to become a place for those with eds and their family and friends to help one another through the difficult recovery period. I felt like I needed a little help in my journey, so I wrote a letter for support to someone who I think has the power to make a difference. Here is the letter I sent:

Dear Tyra,

I am reaching out to you in the hopes that you can help me make a difference. You serve as a true inspiration and promote the beautiful idea of self acceptance and a healthy beauty. Because of your role, I am hoping that you will be able to help me in my journey.

There is a huge problem today. You may or may not be aware of it, but countless individuals are helping one another in acts of assisted suicide everyday and using the Internet as a medium to do so. These individuals are logging on to what are called pro-ana and pro-mia sites. These websites are tortuous and sick. They promote self-loathing and celebrate and enforce eating disorders. The sites are full of diet tips and tricks, chat forums for encouraging one another to starve themselves and purge any excess calories, and ‘thinspiration’ pages, complete with pictures of emaciated models and images to encourage each other to enable their eating disorders. My issue with these websites is not that they are a forum for those with ED’s to support and communicate with one another, but that they are being used to encourage the continuance of the disease.

Individuals with eating disorders have a true psychological turmoil. Their way of thinking is contaminated in such a self-destructive way that these websites easily suck them in and convince individuals who may have a chance at recovery to instead succumb to their disorder. The existence of these sites is especially heartbreaking to me as I have had first hand experience with someone who cannot control her disorder. My best childhood friend, my sister, has an been clinically diagnosed with anorexia-nervosa. My best friend who was once so full of character and light is now dull and broken. She is sick. Her body is starving and her mind and spirit are dying. Because her mind is psychologically sick, she is unable to convince herself that she needs help and that she needs nourishment. Websites such as pro-ana and pro-mia sites have the ability to trick her already disabled thought process into thinking that her disease is a ‘norm’ and that not eating makes her a stronger person. These websites do nothing but put people down and make them feel worthless. By encouraging one another that they are worthless, each person feels better and more secure with knowing he or she is not the only one who is not in control of the disease.

I am coming to you, Tyra, because of the power and influence you have as an inspiration and a public role model. These websites must be stopped and replaced with real forums for those trying to recover. These websites must be destroyed and replaced by websites allowing friends, family, and ED sufferers to get support from each other through the difficult and painful recovery process. While I am doing all I can in my power to put a stop to these, it is publicity and public awareness that is needed to truly make a difference. I believe that this is something you will feel passionate about, and I hope with all of my heart that you will help me make a difference for the individuals living every day in disease and pain. I believe that you have the power to help me bring light and life back into the lives of these individuals.

Thank you,

Maria